What is it that you don’t understand in this email?
How many times have you said to someone, or even thought, what is it that you don’t understand about what I am saying either face to face, over the telephone or an email? For any communication to be effective and for you to be able to convey your message and vice versa you need to be in rapport. Rapport is a process of responsiveness and where both people feel they are in sync with one another or on the same wavelength.
The theory of rapport in Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) is based on a study conducted in 1970 by Robert Birdwhistle at the University of Pennsylvania. From his study he discovered that communication is made up of the spoken word (which accounts for only 7% of the communication), 38% is communicated by tonality of the voice and the remaining 55% is communicated by physiology. Therefore, tonight when you are talking with a spouse or a friend, a huge 93% of your communication is unconscious. However even though words make up only 7% of your communication they are still important to be able to explain to others what to do and how to do it.
Rapport in communication is established by matching and mirroring. This is achieved by the matching and mirroring of certain common words used by the other person, physiology, such as the way they are seating, and facial expressions and also the tonality of the voice. For any rapport to be successful it must be subtle and not obvious to the other person. If you are not subtle then they may think you are mimicking them or making fun of them.
Based on the Birdwhistle study only 7% of your communication is related to the spoken or written word. In an email there is only the written word and what is being conveyed by you amounts to 7% of the message. So how many times have you read an email, jumped to a conclusion and hastily typed out a response and then clicked send without realising what was really being said? When using an email for communicating a lot of your message is not being conveyed to the other person and it may be wise to consider another way of getting your message across.
Using the mobile phone for communication is more effective as 45% of what you are now communicating is being transmitted to the other person. This consists of 7% of the spoken word and 38% to the tonality of the voice. Tonality includes tone (pitch), tempo (speed), timbre (quality) and volume (loudness). So using the mobile phone would be a more effective way of communicating than an email.
If you have an important message you would like to give to another person and not seeking any confusion then of course talking to the person face to face is the way to go. Why? As suggested above, at least 100% of the communication can get through because 7% will come from the words, 38% from the tone of the voice and finally 55% from the physiology or body language.
Each form of communication has its advantages and disadvantages, however always determine the importance of the message and what you are attempting to communicate will assist in you selecting the most appropriate medium (e.g. email, mobile or in person).
Therefore, a question for you. Is your message being conveyed to the other person?
In the next Blog you will learn how to create rapport when communicating with others by matching and mirroring.
