The 7 Easy Steps to Create & Maintain Rapport
In the last Blog it was discovered that effective communication is possible when rapport is created and maintained between both parties in the communication process. Rapport is a process of building a relationship based on trust, harmony and understanding. It is all about meeting the other person in their model or interpretation of the world. Rapport is important in any relationship (e.g. business, sales, meetings, family, friendships) and creates liking at the unconscious level of the mind. When there is rapport anything is possible, people are more likely to want to be with you, be like you and do business with you.
Remember that the communication process is made up of words which accounts for 7%, tonality accounts for 38% and the remaining 55% is communicated through physiology. The way rapport is created is by becoming like the other person. It is a well known fact that when people are like each other, they like each other. Through Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) rapport is created by matching and mirroring the other person and ensuring it occurs outside the other person’s conscious awareness.
The 7 easy steps to create and maintain rapport are:
1. Use matching and mirroring. For example right now, raise your right hand and if I was facing you and raised my right hand this would be matching as both right hands have been raised. Mirroring is about getting the mirror image. So if I was still facing you and you raised your right hand, to mirror you I would raise my left hand.
2. Match and mirror posture. During a conversation or meeting with someone, you would match/mirror by adopting their posture. Ask yourself? Are they leaning to the left or the right with the back in the chair? If sitting in a chair is their bottom towards the back or the front of the chair? Is their spine upright and straight or slouched? You will adopt these postures and not necessary all of them. By matching and mirroring posture you will help to establish and maintain rapport.
3. Match and mirror some of their facial expressions. This can include the tilt of their head, their breathing and the blink rate of the eyes. In terms of breathing in, when they breath in you breath in and the same with the out breath.
4. Matching of the tonality (tone, tempo, timbre, volume) of the voice. This is very powerful for telephone sales as it’s not possible to match or mirror the posture when speaking over the phone. You will need to match the tone or the pitch of the voice. When speaking with someone of the same sex, you will match the tone (pitch) by using the same range as the other person. For example, they are talking slowly then you will start to talk slowly too. When speaking with someone of the opposite sex (say the woman to a man), then as a woman if a man is speaking in a high range then as a woman you would not attempt to go as high as the man but to use a range that is high for you. The reverse also applies to a man and as a man you would not attempt to sound as low as Mickey Mouse! The voice is always matched within your normal range.
5. Matching of keywords used by the other person. In NLP the keywords are known as predicates. So when you are listening to the other person, listen out for common or key words used and then feed those words back to the other person. Not straight away and after about five minutes. By doing this you will also create and maintain the rapport.
6. Match common experiences and associations. For example, did you go to the same school or university as the other person, do you both live south of the river or are you also a Leo sign of the Zodiac? These common experiences or associations are useful in creating and maintaining rapport.
7. Matching and mirroring in building rapport must be subtle and not obvious to the other person. If matching and mirroring is obvious then you have broken rapport and the other person may feel you are mimicking them and any trust created may be lost. Also, in matching and mirroring the movements do not exactly have to be the same. The other person may cross their legs, however if you just cross your feet then you are still maintaining rapport. Keep it subtle and keep it out of the conscious awareness of the other person.
Rapport is a very important process for creating trust and understanding. Only the other day I was in the process of making a purchase for a product/service. On the day I saw one person in the early afternoon and the minute I sat down with them I felt comfortable and the person was able to understand what I was talking about and I found that our body movements, head tilt and posture where the same. We had been matching and mirroring one another from when I first met him. About an hour later I then visited someone else and no rapport was created on either side. He did not understand what I was saying and what I wanted. Guess what? I made the purchase with the first guy as he created rapport the minute I met him and immediately I trusted him, understood him and he understood me and he was like me and I was like him.
Next time you are meeting a new client, talking to a friend or conducting a meeting remember to create and maintain rapport with the people around you and then, anything is possible.
